My step dad, Stuart, passed away recently. Apparently he had cancer, but we didn't know until two days before he died. He went to the hospital for what we assumed was alcohol related issues only to find out the cancer in his throat was advanced and terminal. He was heavily sedated, so we found out later that he also had some brain damage that most likely occurred during the time that he realized he was having trouble breathing in the middle of the night until he finally decided to call his parents to take him to the hospital (most likely became hypoxic and it slowly took a toll on his brain). Anyway, after a few days in the hospital and after finding out it was cancer (we're waiting to hear what kind it was specifically), my mom, his parents and his siblings decided to take him off the ventilator and he passed away early the next morning.

I came to Arkansas last Sunday and will stay until Saturday. It's been hard, but nice. Everyone seems to be at peace with it.

I spoke at the funeral. I didn't even consider it until I was asked, and initially I was completely against the idea (I hate public speaking and I had been crying at the drop of a hat when it was mentioned so I knew it'd be a mess), but after my siblings expressed that they wanted me up there, I decided to go for it.

It was actually quite therapeutic. I cried, but pushed through. People later told me that I cried "just the right amount," which I was pleased to hear. Everyone was so supportive and positive about it after the fact, which also meant a lot. Even though it was difficult, I'm happy I had that opportunity and I think Stuart would have been really pleased about it.

After the ceremony we had a lot of people at our house for a reception which was really nice. I miss Arkansans and southern hospitality and all of that. They're just some of the sweetest people in the world.

I miss Clinton though. He wasn't able to come because it's expensive and I ended up taking a week off of work, so he couldn't afford it. But he's been an absolute angel during all of this (especially the weekend leading up to the news and after learning abou tit). I am so lucky to have such a loving, caring and sweet man in my life.

It's weird to have two dads die. It makes me even more thankful for my wonderful mother, my awesome siblings, and Clint.

I head home (California home) in a couple days. Tomorrow we'll go to Stuart's apartment (he had been living there for a few months after the divorce) and take whatever we'd like to keep. I don't anticipate wanting very much, but I also don't know what he has over there so I may surprise myself.

I love my family and I'm so happy I've been able to be here for them during this ordeal, but it'll be nice to get back home and into the routine again. Also, it's incredible how small this town feels after you leave it. And with so many people gone now it really kind of gives me a lonely vibe. Even having a martini with Anna and Grace tonight... It just made me miss Clint and my California friends. It saddens me that that's the case, but I guess we all have different lives now, and we have for a while. If Kelly were here it'd be different I think. She's always been someone that was so easy to talk to, so hilarious, such a good listener, so understanding... But she's living the life in NYC now (of course as far away from me as possible!) so I know seeing her will be a much more rare occurrence these days.

Oh life....

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Hi everyone,

First of all, thank you for coming. Stuart loved and cared about all of you and would be very honored that you are here to help commemorate him.

My name is Erin, and I'm Stuart's oldest step child.

When I was seven years old and my brother, Justin was six, my sister, Elle, was three, and my youngest brother, John Michael, was 2 months old, our father passed away.
There was a great void left in our family and our lives when this happened; one that could not easily be filled.
Many people would have reservations taking on four young children as their own, but when Stuart was introduced to our family, he didn't skip a beat.
Four years after the death of my father, Stuart officially became our step father, and Lauren our step sister.
Let me admit that this was by no means an easy task.
As you can imagine, having 5 children in a household -- particularly myself and my siblings -- is a chaotic, loud, and messy existence.
And we were often a defiant bunch, attempting to push boundaries in different ways as we got older, as kids like to do.
And first of all, the fact that Stuart stuck with it for so long is extremely impressive.
But he didn't just stick with it -- he was patient, understanding, caring, and an active participant in our lives.
He coached basketball and baseball teams for some 10 years in a row.
He went on walks around the neighborhood with us and one of his greatest companions, our dog Star.
He was always enthusiastic about going camping or canoeing or hiking or spending a weekend at our cabin.
He tried desperately to get us to enjoy golf� It didn't work for me, but I think he made an impact with the boys.
He was always the designated driver of our long road trips to Colorado and Florida -- all 7 of us piled into the trusty Ford Excursion -- a car that has almost 200,000 miles of memories.
Surviving so many of these trips is an incredible feat in and of itself.

Filling the void that was left after my father passed away and taking on the role as a father figure to 4 young children plus one of his own is not a job that many people could do, but Stuart did everything in his power to take on these tasks, and he did it with grace, patience, and compassion.
I am so thankful that we were able to have such an honorable and kind hearted man as our father for 12 years.
I am also so thankful that he gave us a wonderful set of grandparents, Nonie and Grandaddy, the sweetest Aunt Karen, an awesome Uncle Rick, Aunt Sharon, and cousins Chris and Samantha, a large extended family beyond that, and my beautiful and amazing sister, Lauren.

Stuart was taken from us too soon.
But I feel so blessed that he introduced us to so many loving and supportive people that I am proud to call my family.
And I feel so blessed that he played such a positive role in my life and the life of my mother and my siblings.
I am so thankful that I was able to connect with him on a deeper level these past few years, growing closer and getting to know him more as a person than as a step father.
He was truly a saint for coming into my family like he did, and I will miss his sweet spirit and his contagious laugh.
Whatever your connection to him may be, Stuart's passing has created another void in all of our lives, but going forward I feel at peace knowing that this void will be filled with faith and all the laughter, joy, and fond memories Stuart brought to our lives.

Thank you